On Parenting
Oh my! This is a tough one.
I love my daughter. Absolutely adore her. She is the apple of my eye. She inspires me to do my best. I can do anything for her. Her smile, laughter, sleepy yawns, smirks, jokes, innocence, extra smartness, and practically everything is my life. I work hard with her — on her studies, on her extra curricular, on her dealing with friends and people, on her diet, on her room, on her study room, on nearly every single thing. Not because I am a father and it’s my responsibility (it definitely is!) but they happen just naturally. It is joyful.
And yet, here is my confession — I hate parenting!
I have fears — fears of seeing tears in her eyes, fear of seeing her fail, fear of her getting hurt, getting rejected, fear of her feeling sad and lost, fear of her feeling inadequate, and so much more. It just hurts. Somebody once I said — Being a parent is more or less a long process of letting go.
One thing that I have said to myself, that I will never feel proud of my daughter’s accomplishment. That is because it is her accomplishment — her hard work, her perseverance, her dedication. I was merely a guide (where I was…) or in some cases all I would have done is given her birth. That gives me no right to feel proud of what she has done. The pride is hers and hers alone. This thinking helps me address some of my fears and at the same time helps me become her true mentor and guide — instead of being pushy and unnecessarily hard on her. In full confession, I do say to her sometimes that I am proud of her — when she does well in school or otherwise. But that is only to elicit her happiness. I also add that I am proud of the hard work she has done to achieve something.
A line from Mad Men resonates with me very much — You’re a very beautiful girl. It’s up to you to be more than that. My job is to guide and that I will — until you ask me to stop.
